As a vital preparation
time for marriage, the
engagement period is
too important to waste on
inconsequential
matters. Many engaged couples do little
more during that time
than plan the wedding and perhaps
talk in generalities
about work and career plans. It is quite
common for couples to
wait until they are engaged to talk
specifically about their
goals.
|
While this is better than
not
|
|
talking about them at all, ENGAGEMENT
IS NOT REALLY THE TIME
|
|
FOR SUCH A DISCUSSION.
Courtship is the time for couples to
|
|
talk about their goals and
objectives, their dreams and
|
|
desires, and to plan their
future. By the time a couple
|
|
reaches the engagement
stage, all these things should be in
|
|
place.
|
They should know where
they want to go, how they
plan to get there, and
should have a oneness of heart and
spirit to go there
together.
Engagement is the time
for couples to put into place
and execute their
action plan to get them where they want
to go. It is a time to
move from planning to walking
determinedly together
in the same direction. One definition
of the word “engage” is “to interlock with,” or “mesh
together,” and the word “engagement,” the state of being
“in gear.” By the time a couple
becomes engaged, their
goals, objectives,
dreams, desires, and values should
interlock with each
other and mesh together as one, and
they should be “in gear” with each other as they move
forward with their
practical preparations to bring those
things to pass.
|
Engagement is the time for
couples to put into place and
|
|
execute
their action plan to get them where they want to go.
|
I counsel young couples
to use their engagement period
to develop a 50-year
life plan, a plan that lays out where
they want to go, what
they want to do, and what they want
to become over the next
50 years. Of course, it is
impossible for anyone
to predict with complete accuracy
the direction his or
her life will take over a 50-year period.
Unanticipated life
changes and unexpected opportunities
will almost certainly
come along that could lead to a
change in direction.
Some goals may be reached and some
plans come to fruition
sooner than expected while others
may be dropped
altogether. Any such life plan therefore
needs to have built-in flexibility to allow for
the
unexpected. The
important thing is for engaged couples to
have a plan, a “road map” to guide them over the months
and years of marriage
that lie ahead and to help them stay
on course to reach
their dreams and goals and avoid getting
sidetracked onto dead
ends or other paths that will take
them where they don’t want to go.
For some folks,
engagement means going out for ice
cream, going to movies,
holding hands, kissing, and such.
That’s not engagement; that’s dating. Of course, engaged
couples do those kinds
of things because they continue
dating, but engagement
involves much more than that; it
goes much deeper.
|
Engagement is hard-core
planning, where a couple gets
|
|
down to the brass tacks of
preparing for life after the
|
|
wedding.
|
This is where, depending
on their circumstances,
they go looking for an
apartment to rent or a house to buy
or a plot of land on
which to build. They talk to real estate
agents and house
contractors. They visit banks to check out
car loans. They set
money back in savings against future
expenses. They consider
and anticipate every possible snag
or glitch or obstacle
they can think of and provide for those
possibilities in
advance. The goal is to have everything so
well in order by the
end of the engagement period that,
from the start their
marriage, everything will run like a
well-oiled machine.
There are several key
areas that engaged couples should
focus their attention
on during this all-critical period of
engagement. Proper care
and preparation given to these
things now will smooth
the transition into married life and
make things a lot
easier down the line. Any couples
seeking to ensure a
healthy and successful marriage should
give due attention to (discussed
fully in the book):
|
1. Spiritual Foundation,
|
|
2. Economic Stability,
|
|
3. Educational Goals,
|
|
4. Parenting Philosophy, and
|
|
5. Sexual Standards.
|
Together, these five areas comprise the
categories where
virtually all marital problems and
divisions occur.
Getting “in gear” with each other now on
these issues will help
avoid problems later on.
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